I Kept Telling Myself I Would Wait Until I Lost The Weight To Feel Confident

What I Wear Every Day (And Why That Started)

I wear the same black stretchy pants every day that I leave my house. I have seven or eight pairs of the same exact ones. It’s always the same thing: a t-shirt (in a few different colors) and tennis shoes. I started doing this because it was easy and they fit pretty well. At my size, shopping for clothes is not fun. It’s usually embarrassing and discouraging.

Every once in a while, if I’m going to an event or a nice dinner, I’ll switch it up and pair the black pants with a nicer shirt and different shoes or wear the one pair of jeans that I kind of feel comfortable in with a nicer shirt. This is very rare though.

When Things Started To Feel Different

But lately, since my daughter started VPK and I’m up at the school every day, I’ve started to feel self-conscious about wearing the same thing over and over. I wouldn’t say that I felt confident before, but it’s just been more obvious to me lately.

People seeing me didn’t start the thoughts that I needed to do something differently. Those thoughts have been in my mind for months. It just added to them.

The Truth About My Clothes Right Now

For a while now I’ve felt like I needed to buy new clothes. The clothes I’ve been wearing don’t really suit me, my personality, or how I want to present myself. They actually add to my lack of confidence because I don’t feel great when I get dressed in the mornings. My clothes just make me feel frumpy and remind me of where I am weight wise.

I Know What It Feels Like To Feel Confident

I have realized that when I like the way I look, I feel better about myself. I feel more confident just because I look put together.

I have felt that before.

For example, on special occasions when I actually get dressed, I feel confident, like I belong wherever I am.

Why I Kept Telling Myself To Wait

For a long time, I felt like:

“What’s the point of buying new clothes for this body, if it’s just going to change?”

I told myself that I would wait until I was smaller.

I told myself that I would wait until I had lost a significant amount of weight, at least halfway to my goal, before I would reward myself with a new wardrobe.

It wasn’t that I didn’t try buying clothes in the past, before making this decision. I did, but shopping was so hard that I eventually landed on the decision to wait.

What I’m Starting To Realize

But I’m realizing now that weight loss takes a lot of time. There are ups and downs throughout the process.

I’m in it for the long game, and I want to feel confident throughout the process, not just when I reach my goal weight. I don’t want to let the pressure of reaching my goal weight dictate when I can feel confident in my own skin. That’s tough. And it’s been tough.

The Moment That Made Me Question Things

This morning after dropping my daughter off, I started thinking even more about confidence. I met a new mom and we talked briefly, but I could tell I wasn’t really myself. I guess part of me feels like myself isn’t good enough, so I tend to act more peppy than I actually am, especially when meeting new people. I got back in the car, a little irritated at myself, and eventually asked myself the question: How can I just be myself?

What I’m Figuring Out Right Now

That’s the question I really want to start exploring. This post is the beginning of me figuring out what building confidence looks like while I’m still on my journey to lose over 100 pounds, and I’ll be sharing what I learn along the way.

I don’t really know what confidence looks like for me yet, but I know I don’t want to keep waiting anymore.

This realization actually went deeper for me than just confidence. I wrote more about that in the post: The Day I Realized I Didn’t Have To Hit My Goal Weight To Be Enough.

Maybe It’s Time To Stop Waiting

If you’ve ever felt like you had to wait until you reached your weight loss goal to feel confident… maybe it’s time for you to stop waiting too.

I’ll share the first changes I’m making soon.

I would love to know, have you ever felt this way?